The Covenant of Right Relations

All Souls Church Unitarian Universalist

West Brattleboro, Vermont

_____________  __, 2009

Preamble

We who have chosen to be part of All Souls Church affirm this Covenant of Right Relations with its Principles and Guidelines, accepting it as a statement of how we, as a congregation, intend to support and work with each other to create a living, growing and caring religious community.  Each of us is responsible for making, and assisting each other in making, good faith efforts to abide by this covenant in both letter and spirit.

The Covenant

WE BUILD OUR CHURCH ON A FOUNDATION OF LOVE,

AND COVENANT WITH ONE ANOTHER:

TO FREELY EXPLORE OUR VALUES AND HONOR OUR DIVERSITY

AS A SOURCE OF COMMUNAL STRENGTH;

TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR INDIVIDUAL ACTS;

TO PROMOTE JUSTICE AND PEACE;

TO CELEBRATE THE JOYS OF DISCOVERY,

EMBRACING THE FULLEST MEASURE OF OUR HUMANITY;

TO COMMUNICATE WITH KINDNESS AND SUPPORT;

TO SERVE WITH COMPASSION AND COMMITMENT;

TO OPENLY SHARE OUR LAUGHTER AND TEARS;

AND TO SHOW REVERENCE FOR THE DIVINE IN ALL THAT IS.

Adopted April 17, 2001

Our Principles of Right Relations

1. We practice courtesy and civility in our relationships.   In order that all voices may be heard respectfully and a rich variety of opinions may be honored, we covenant:

· To allow all a chance to speak and listen so that all are heard and understood;

· To demonstrate our concern for each other as we are able with time, money, talent, and caring spirit;

· To support the work of our church leaders and programs instituted by them that serve ends we understand and appreciate, reserving the right to respectfully oppose actions we consider wrong.

· To abide by existing bylaws, policies and directives even as we remain open to change;

· To refrain from gossip and from ridiculing, attacking, marginalizing or invalidating others through word or deed;

· To follow through when we commit to do something;

· To remind others kindly of the spirit of this covenant when needed.

2. We respect the worth and dignity of all persons, calling them to act in right relationship and take responsibility for what they do.  In order to encourage each one of us “to accept responsibility for our individual acts,” we covenant: 

· To accept one another in ways that honor our varied backgrounds and spiritual paths;

· To engage creatively “to honor our diversity as a source of communal strength;”

· To refrain from stereotyping

· To promote a culture where all are challenged to become their best selves.

3. In worship practice, we know that not all elements of a service appeal equally to the diverse individuals who choose to attend All Souls Church.  We recognize the difficulty of creating a worship service that does equal justice to the preferences of all those in attendance.  In order to maintain the strength of our religious community by including persons of varied ages, politics, religious backgrounds, genders, sexual orientations, incomes, obligations, states of health, physical challenges, and tolerances for the time it takes to be together, we covenant:

· To honor our long tradition of freedom of the pulpit;

· To show respect for the variety of needs and desires each one of us brings to church services;

· To endure respectfully even those service elements we dislike most if they meet the needs of congregants who happen not to think as we do;

· To support the minister’s and each other’s efforts to create and offer worship services by attending those services as our own “encouragement for putting our beliefs and values into action and service.”

· To offer our feedback on services with the intention of being constructive, and with humble acknowledgement that our point of view, however strongly held, is personal and may or may not be representative of the wider congregation.

4.  We accept controversy in our community as inevitable and healthy.  We are guided by the principle that properly managed controversy between people in right relations to one another can be a positive force for creativity, growth and enrichment.  Our task is to find appropriate ways to express and resolve our conflicts.  In order that conflicts, when they arise, are addressed with respect, compassion and honesty, we covenant:

· To allow the necessary time to identify and discuss differences before making decisions;

· To listen to competing ideas with respect, tolerance and honest consideration;

· To speak openly on matters of controversy, using “I” statements;

· To solicit, encourage and integrate minority contributions into a democratic resolution;

· To make decisions that serve the common good.

5.  We value openness in our communications and decision-making.  In order to fully “communicate with kindness and support,” we covenant:

· To share convictions openly rather than withholding input from the group, or to express a point of view in private to someone with an opposing opinion when that step would be more respectful;

· To make committee and governance meetings open, with rare exceptions such as when they deal with confidential or personnel matters;

· To give visitors to board and committee meetings the opportunity to speak within established guidelines;

· To make all minutes, accounts and transcripts available to the congregation, again with the exception of those that refer to confidential or personnel matters;

· To participate actively and responsibly in All Souls Church governance and decision-making.

6. We direct controversial, All Souls Church-related communications through appropriate channels.  In order to maintain right relations even in contentious settings, we covenant:

· To attempt to resolve interpersonal disputes or grievances directly and privately when feasible;

· To attempt to resolve non-personal controversies, e.g., on policies, programs or finances, through the relevant committee or established lines of communication;

· To follow established procedures for resolving conflict, and to abide by the outcomes of that process.  [Please see Conflict Resolution: Guidelines and Suggestions for Success, Appendix A.]

7. We strive to focus on issues and behaviors, not on people and personalities.  In order to avoid personalizing communications about issues, we covenant:

· To address the issues and points under review in our discussions and deliberations, avoiding assignment of blame;

· To use “I” statements to set a tone of presenting and sharing rather than attacking and criticizing;

· To consider the message on its merits, remembering that the message is about the matter at hand, not about the sender or receiver.

8. We strongly believe that religious community is about caring for each other.  In order “to openly share our laughter and tears” we covenant

· To be aware of how we express compassion;

· To offer care – a companionable presence or concrete support (food, transportation, etc.) – when “rough patches” or significant life changes come calling on any one of us;

· To provide safe opportunities for fun and relaxation;

· To fully support the special work of parish care.

9. We work to maintain a safe and secure church environment, which allows openness to a wide variety of individuals.  In order to promote an environment of right relations in the presence of disruptive behavior, we covenant:

· To confront interference or disruption at church functions with firmness and compassion;

· To refer disruptive behavior that interferes with a church-related activity or event to appropriate authorities immediately. [Please see Guidelines for Dealing With Offensive or Disruptive Behavior, Appendix B.]

· To respond to disruptive or unacceptable behavior by speaking up and making boundaries clear, and by suggesting respectful alternatives;

· To enlist whatever support or assistance may be required to bring behaviors into compliance with constructive social intercourse;

10. We recognize that All Souls Church strives to be a valuable partner in the social, artistic, charitable and business spheres of Greater Brattleboro as well as having a part to play in meeting worldwide challenges.  In order that we may maintain right relations with the components of our wider community, “and serve with compassion and commitment,” we covenant:

· To join denominational efforts to make the world a better place;

· To care for those in need, locally and around the world;

· To observe scrupulous business practices with vendors, merchants and others who provide us with services;

· To support community activities consistent with our church mission, covenant and the Principles of the Unitarian Universalist Association of Congregations;

· To participate in interfaith projects while at the same time providing to the community a liberal interpretation of religious practices and teachings.

In Closing

We promise to address issues that arise in our relationships with kindness, forgiveness and commitment to the common good.  When issues are problems that can be solved, we will work actively to resolve them.  When issues have no single, permanent solution, we will manage them in an effort to achieve balance and harmony.  Our aim will always be to maintain our supportive and loving fellowship, the be-all and end-all of right relations.

Appendices

A. Conflict Resolution: Guidelines and Suggestions for Success

B. Guidelines for Dealing with Offensive or Disruptive Behavior

C. Crisis Intervention Protocol

APPENDIX A

All Souls Church Unitarian Universalist

Conflict Resolution: Guidelines and Suggestions for Success

To successfully practice right relations when a conflict should arise between members of the All Souls Church community, the Congregation has established the following guidelines for reaching successful conflict resolution:

1. Initial communications. When a conflict first becomes apparent between yourself and another member of the community talk directly with the person with whom you are having the disagreement.

· At this step, and at all succeeding steps that become necessary, own your issue. Anonymous complaints are not acceptable.

· Examine your own role in the conflict. Why is this matter important to you? Do some soul searching.  Is the disagreement over content (what is being done) or process (how

it’s being done)?

· Get a reality check from a trusted third party. Compare your perceptions. Does that person view the statements or actions at issue in the same way as you? Based on your telling of events and your feelings about the statements or actions at issue, does he or she feel the same way as you?

· Arrange with the other person in the dispute for a mutually acceptable time and place to talk in private as soon as possible after the incident at issue.

· In your discussions use “I statements”; use active listening.

· If a direct conversation is too difficult, consider putting your position into writing to be read by the other party to the disagreement. Be available to receive the other person’s response to your position.

· If you believe that safety is at issue, follow the recommended course of action detailed in the Crisis Intervention Protocol, Appendix C.

· If the conflict concerns how a person (staff, religious educator) is performing his/ her job or duties under their position, address your concern to that person’s supervisor so that individuals are not being “supervised” from all sides.

2. If the conflict remains unresolved. If, despite your best efforts, the conflict remains unresolved, it is recommended that you and the other party speak to the minister for pastoral counseling on the matter at issue.

· If you and the other person in the dispute agree that the minister is neutral on the matter at issue, and appropriate for addressing the matter at issue, the minister could then mediate the dispute.

· If either or both of the parties in dispute do not agree that the minister would be neutral and/ or appropriate to mediate the disputed issue, or if the minister does not believe that he or she is neutral and/ or appropriate to mediate the disputed issue, then the minister, in accordance with guideline #4 below, will recommend an outside mediator to assist in bringing resolution to the conflict.

· The minister shall report to the Committee on Ministry those conflicts that have been brought to him/ her for resolution, and the outcome of the mediation. Such reports shall not be reported by the Committee, but shall be held in confidence.

3. Conflicts concerning the minister, church ministry. If you have a dispute with the actions or statements of the minister or the ministry of All Souls Church and you have not been able to resolve that conflict despite your best efforts with initial communications, it is recommended that you speak to a member of the Committee on Ministry.

· The Committee member will encourage you to meet with the Committee to express your position in the dispute. The Committee will provide you with its understanding of your position.

· The Committee will encourage you to present your position directly to the minister. If you wish, a Committee member will accompany you at a meeting with the minister to discuss the dispute. Before meeting with the minister, the Committee will notify him/ her of the basic nature of the matter at issue. After the meeting, the Committee will let the parties know of any outcomes subsequent to the meeting. If you and the minister feel they are necessary, additional meetings may be held with or without Committee members present.

· The Committee shall keep a record of your meetings with them, those meetings or disputes in which it is involved, and the outcomes of those disputes. Such records shall not be reported by the Committee, but shall be held in confidence.

· If you are not able to resolve your dispute with the minister, or your dispute concerning the ministry of the church despite the efforts of the Committee to facilitate a resolution, you may seek the assistance of an outside mediator if agreed to by the minister or, when applicable, the person responsible for the matter of church ministry at issue.

4. Outside mediation. The Committee on Ministry will compile a list of sufficiently trained persons who are not members or associates of the All Souls Church congregation and have specifically agreed to mediate resolutions of conflicts between members of the All Souls Church community. The Board of Trustees and the minister shall review the list of proposed mediators and shall have the ongoing power to remove a person from the list for good cause shown.

· Parties to a dispute may accept the minister’s recommendation of a mediator from this list or may agree to another mediator from the approved list.

· The mediator shall determine how the mediation shall be conducted. However, the mediator shall produce a written report identifying the matter at issue, the positions of the parties, and the nature of the resolution of those issues. Issues that have not been resolved or have been partially resolved shall be described so that any remaining unresolved issues are identified. Copies of this report shall be provided to the parties, and to the Committee on Ministry in confidence.

· All matters that go to outside mediation shall be reported to the All Souls Church Board of Trustees

· The Board of Trustees may authorize that All Souls Church shall pay for the expenses of outside mediation, and is urged to authorize such expenses in matters it deems of particular importance.  If the Board of Trustees does not authorize payment of mediation expenses, the parties using those services shall pay those expenses.

5. Actions by the Board of Trustees. Nothing in this section shall preclude the Board of Trustees from taking such action that it deems necessary and prudent for the safety, health and well being of the All Souls Church congregation and community.

· The Board may review the actions and recommendations of the Committee on Ministry concerning a conflict and require that involved persons follow such recommendations.

· The Board may review independently the circumstances of a dispute or conflict, make its own recommendations for the handling of the matters at issue, and take such actions that it deems necessary to enforce its recommendations.

· The Board can take action to exclude a person from attending functions held by the congregation; or to be present in the church, on the church grounds or on the property owned by the church, for some period of time based on that person’s refusal to honor the covenants of All Souls Church. In such an event the Board shall specify those conditions, which must be met for such person to return as a welcome member of the All Souls Church community.

· The Board, given just cause, can exclude a person permanently from the All Souls Church community and from its lands and premises.

· The Board can solicit assistance from the UUA to address a conflict.

· The Board can call a meeting of the congregation to pull the community together to address a conflict with the pooled compassion and shared wisdom of the entire church body.

It is hoped that the majority of conflicts can and will be resolved by an effort on the part of individuals to live our covenant and principles and to approach directly the individual with whom they are having a conflict. It is further anticipated that while seeking to understand the causes, probability of change and history that bear on the situation, all who participate in the process will use our principles and purposes to inform their own actions and will treat everyone with compassion and dignity. Finally, when no resolution is possible, concern for the well-being, openness, safety and stability of the congregation as a whole will be given priority over the feelings or actions of any individual.

APPENDIX B

All Souls Church Unitarian Universalist

Guidelines For Dealing With Offensive Or Disruptive Behavior

Introduction

Churches by their nature of being open and welcoming, ours being no exception, attract people with various needs, ranging from the perfectly ordinary to the trying and even bizarre. All Souls Church Unitarian Universalist welcomes everyone to its community. High among our congregation’s values are: respect for an individual’s worth and dignity, acceptance and expression of unique theologies and life perspectives, support of fair and egalitarian practices through democratic methods, and the creation of a safe and nurturing community.

For everyone to feel safe in a community, each of us needs to care about what the people around us are doing.  We need to pay attention to each other and to those who will visit us here at church.  If we need to change what we see happening, then it is our responsibility as community members to do so with compassion and firmness. While you are not expected to be adept at handling or solving difficult situations, you can use your common sense in most cases.  If you observe behavior that is inappropriate or unsettling, enlist assistance and support from others nearby and report the situation to the minister or the leader at hand.  Remain a witness to the behavior if the situation allows it.

Purpose

The following protocol is designed for dealing with behaviors that run the gamut.  At one end of the continuum there are upsetting or offensive but nonthreatening behaviors.  At the other end are behaviors that are downright dangerous and threatening.  In the middle there are what might be considered disturbing or dysfunctional behaviors.  Examples of each are listed below under types of behavior.

Disturbing or disruptive behaviors must be responded to appropriately and with the understanding that concern for the congregation as a whole is given priority over the privileges of the individual. Every attempt should be made to resolve upsetting or disruptive behaviors by addressing them directly, with compassion and concern.

Questions to Consider

When you witness behavior that is out of the ordinary, there are questions to consider:

• Why is this behavior occurring?
• Is it a conflict between an individual and others in the congregation?  If so refer to

Conflict Resolution: Guidelines and Suggestions for Success, Appendix A.

• Is the behavior due to a possible mental illness or physical condition such as diabetes?
• Has the same behavior occurred before?
• How much interference with church functions is the behavior causing?
• How likely is it that prospective or existing members will be driven away by this

                        behavior?

• How likely is it that the inappropriate behavior will diminish in the future?

Types of Behavior

These are some examples of the kinds and degrees of unusual behaviors you may witness from time to time:

• Upsetting or off-putting but nonthreatening conduct such as demanding inordinate time and attention, intimidating, taunting or badgering, or persisting in the advancement of too narrow a point of view.

• Disturbing or dysfunctional and ultimately disruptive such as blocking or interfering with the free movement of a person or persons, acting out, sustained inappropriate or hostile language, harassment of any kind – physical, verbal, sexual, ethnic;

• Dangerous and threatening behavior such as perceived threats to the safety of any adult or child; willful destruction of property, any behavior that points to imminent or foreseeable danger to oneself or others, or immediate disruption of congregational activities.

Responses

Here are some suggestions for responding to behavior that is out of the ordinary framed according to the source of the behavior (a stranger unknown to the community or someone known to the congregation) as well the type of behavior presented.

For any emergency situation requiring an immediate emergency response refer immediately to the Crisis Intervention Protocol, Appendix C.

In situations where no threat or emergency is involved but behavior needs to be modified or redirected, your initial response may simply involve drawing the person aside but in sight of others and calmly stating that the behavior is not acceptable. Do not attempt to argue with the individual.  Seek assistance from the minister or a church leader if there is no change in behavior.

In more serious cases, the minister and/or the leader of the group involved may ask the offending person or persons to leave, or may suspend the meeting or activity until it can safely be resumed. If appropriate, the minister will send a follow-up letter detailing what steps must be taken before the offending party or parties may return to the activities involved.

Whenever such actions occur and the minister is not present, the minister and president of the Board of Trustees must be notified as soon as possible.

For ongoing untoward behavior, the minister will determine whether to handle the situation privately, or request the Board of Trustees, and/or the Committee on Ministry to further investigate the matter. The minister, the Board and/or the Committee on Ministry will act on a case-by-case basis.  Recommendations will be given to the Board of Trustees for any

further action that may be necessary. [Please refer to section 5 of Conflict Resolution: Guidelines and Suggestions for Success, Appendix A]

APPENDIX C

All Souls Church Crisis Intervention Protocol

(Adopted August 13, 2002)

In Case of Emergency:

• Alert the minister and Board members present. Contact at home if not on premises.
• Minister and Board members will decide on a course of action, including whether the minister or a Board member will take charge.

If There Is No Threat to Others:

• If a person is acting out non-threateningly, becomes seriously ill or has an accident or in case of some other nonviolent incident, the minister and Board members will attempt to isolate the person and assess the situation.

If Emergency Assistance Is Required:

• One Board member will be designated to make a 911 call using a standard phone and will remain on the line. (Phones are located in the kitchen and the office. There is also a cordless phone in the office.)
• Another Board member will act as official observer and be prepared to meet and brief emergency personnel on arrival.
• The minister and other Board members will remain with the group and remain calm.

If Evacuation Is Called For:

• Unassigned Board members will direct adults and children to the higher end of the parking lot or to the upper classroom in the RE wing (doors to this classroom are securable from the inside), depending on the situation. Take the office cordless phone to the evacuation site.
• The director of religious education and teachers will stay with the children.

For Specific Instructions See Red Emergency Folder on Outside of Office Door.

This red folder includes, in addition to a copy of this protocol:

• How to approach a person acting out.
• Who to call for help (emergency numbers and numbers of trustees and minister).
• Location of first aid kits and blanket.
• Location of fire extinguishers.
• Home and emergency phone numbers of children registered in the religious education program.
• Copy of All Souls Church directory.
• Notice of ongoing special situations (child custody issues, stalking, warrants, etc.).

Immediately Following Resolution of Emergency:

• Convene the group and debrief, employing a trained facilitator as necessary. Ask:

1. Is anyone hurt? 

2. How can we support one another now?

• Hold a second debriefing following interviews by emergency personnel, if necessary. Ask:

1. What did you experience?

2. What did you do?

3. What was it like for you?

4. What could have been done differently?

5. How can we support one another now?

• If there is no official inquiry, a single inclusive debriefing may be sufficient.

Protocol and Security Maintenance

• Annually, Board members will review the crisis intervention protocol and tour the building to locate fire extinguishers, first aid kits, blanket, and any other emergency equipment.
• The vice president of the Board will be responsible for maintaining and updating the red emergency folder as needed. A review of the folder’s contents will be included in the Board’s annual review of the protocol.
• Ask the police department to perform periodic security inspection of the building and site.
• Ask the fire department to perform periodic safety inspection of the building and site.
• Keep kitchen entrance door locked at all times except for loading and unloading. Keep all other doors locked when the building is not open or the particular doors are not in use.
• Emergency numbers are posted near phones.
• First aid kits are kept fully stocked.
• Publish the protocol in one issue of the newsletter annually and include it in the church handbook.
• Maintain distinctively colored name tags for trustees with the word “Board” displayed.